Inspiration
You. You are my inspiration. And I am yours. What does it mean to be inspired? For me it means a moment in time where I felt your support, or in some cases a lack of support that still managed to drive me in one direction or another. But for the most part, I have had an overwhelming support system. The encouraging words from the ones closest to me have fueled my passion to explore the world more thoroughly because I know I have something to return to. If I stay for a year I know I have people to come home to. If I stay for a month I know I have an amazing group of people who will welcome me back and tell me consoling things like, "It's ok, you tried. That's more than most people have the courage to do," and "At least you got to see something most people only dream of." And that would be alright. But it's not enough. Although to most people it just seems like I am going on a permanent vacation (long term at least), it is more than that. I don't expect it to be all beaches and curry. It will be hard. I will encounter some diffucult situations. And more than that, I will be alone with my brain for a year!
A full year to think. To not be in a rush. To take time for myself and hopefully get a better understanding of who I am and what I stand for. You think it sounds cliche, don't you? The single late-twenty-something dropping everything and moving to India to find herself. I think so too. But like many stereotypes, cliches have come to be such because they are at least somewhat accurate or common (Sorry - I'm not actually promoting stereotypes here).
After getting drunk at a roller derby pirate party this weekend and spilling the beans to some of my close friends my plans of self discovery, I now realize that they knew it all along. I am just now admitting it to myself. So now that it's all in the open, I can begin my process. One of the things I hope to address is the death of my brother, and hopefully be able to acknowledge it and heal from it. I don't want to forget him and hate the word closure. But I want to find peace in his death. Without an understanding of why he is no longer on earth with his family, I need to accept it.
Besides healing, I want to be a better person. I am sick of being judged and I am sick of judging others. I admit that I have grown a lot in the past few years and I attribute much of it to travel and opening my mind to new things. But I would be lying if I don't have those moments where I judge a complete stranger for something that has nothing to do with me, that is doing no harm. Or judge a close friend or family member for decisions made. But that's just not right and I don't feel good about it.
But more than anything, I want to find peace within myself. I want to learn to love myself again, as I believe it is the only way for me to truely be able to love others.
I don't think India is going to solve my problems. But I do think it is a good background to work out some of my issues, and maybe a bit more conducive to the process.
So you are my inspiration. To be a better person for my friends, my relatives, and for my future family.
A full year to think. To not be in a rush. To take time for myself and hopefully get a better understanding of who I am and what I stand for. You think it sounds cliche, don't you? The single late-twenty-something dropping everything and moving to India to find herself. I think so too. But like many stereotypes, cliches have come to be such because they are at least somewhat accurate or common (Sorry - I'm not actually promoting stereotypes here).
After getting drunk at a roller derby pirate party this weekend and spilling the beans to some of my close friends my plans of self discovery, I now realize that they knew it all along. I am just now admitting it to myself. So now that it's all in the open, I can begin my process. One of the things I hope to address is the death of my brother, and hopefully be able to acknowledge it and heal from it. I don't want to forget him and hate the word closure. But I want to find peace in his death. Without an understanding of why he is no longer on earth with his family, I need to accept it.
Besides healing, I want to be a better person. I am sick of being judged and I am sick of judging others. I admit that I have grown a lot in the past few years and I attribute much of it to travel and opening my mind to new things. But I would be lying if I don't have those moments where I judge a complete stranger for something that has nothing to do with me, that is doing no harm. Or judge a close friend or family member for decisions made. But that's just not right and I don't feel good about it.
But more than anything, I want to find peace within myself. I want to learn to love myself again, as I believe it is the only way for me to truely be able to love others.
I don't think India is going to solve my problems. But I do think it is a good background to work out some of my issues, and maybe a bit more conducive to the process.
So you are my inspiration. To be a better person for my friends, my relatives, and for my future family.
Comments
Post a Comment