Change of Pace
I had put off posting about the rest of my trip because I figured there was always time. Maybe not so true however, as time seems to be flying with only 6 1/2 weeks until my expected return. Throughout the past few months I have gone through a lot of different emotions regarding my pending trip. I felt all of the fears and uncertainties that I expected to feel, although a bit earlier than expected. I think I am naive. Unexperienced. Foolish. Part of this comes from doing my research and trying to understand the realities of India. Another part came from a fellow traveler, one whom I admire. Although I believe his intent to be the opposite, he gave me some insights and realities that were harsh and disheartening. I can in no way deny that knowledge is power and being informed and prepared is the best way to go into any situation, specifically a foriegn one. But it can be so easy to just tune it out and imagine a paradise ahead.
Some of the uncertainties I felt mostly have to do with traveling alone as a single, blonde, American woman. Maybe it is unnecessary to mention that I am blonde and American, but knowing anything about India makes me think there is something to it. But what does it mean to be a single woman traveler? It means I am more at risk for violence, although Indians and specifically Hindus are not generally known for it. It means I am a easier target for scams that are quite rampant throughout the country. I feel that it also means I am a strong person. That I am confident enough to cross oceans alone just to get a taste of something new. But is it blind confidence with no basis to back it up? That sounds downright irresponsible!
My greatest fear was not of the unknown as many people may expect, but of the all too known: lonliness. I'm traveling to the second most populated countries in the world and expecting to feel lonely?!? Yep. I will be away from everyone I have ever known. Sure my friends and family will be only a phone call but I can just imagine sitting in a dingey old Indian hotel on Christmas Eve wondering what I have gotten myself into.
There was a short period where I became upset about the whole thing and wasn't sure I wanted to return at all. It came about suddenly and I was secretly hoping I would talk myself back into it. But I wasn't sure I would at that point. I became upset about how there were times when I felt ripped off and taken advantage of. I knew these things were happening while I was there but they began to bother me all of a sudden. I was mad at India, and to be quite frank I was mad at the world for a week or two. In retrospect I think I can chalk it up to reverse culture shock or something like it. I don't believe I was actually upset about minor events that happened along my trip, but rather inconsistencies and not being able to understand things in Indian culture and in my own. While talking with a friend during lunch one day, it seemed as though I had those same general feelings after arriving from Europe last year.
I explored other options, such as starting an import store in my hometown of Cheyenne, Wyoming. I met with an accountant, the Small Business Association (SBA), Small Business Development Center at the local college and had market research done. It sounded like a good idea and I made some pretty elaborate plans. And maybe I will get back to it someday. But it wasn't fitting together, even though as a last ditch effort on my parents' part to convince me to stay, they offered me the start-up money I would need to get it going. But I had talked myself back into returning to India.
Other emotions I went through and am still going through are elation, excitement, sense of adventure and the unknown, loneliness, fear that I might actually be bat-shit-crazy. Things like that. And every night when I go to bed I get scared. And I tell myself this is what I want. And if I can't trust the voices in my head, well then who can I trust? People do this right? Quit their job, move out of their house, give half of their stuff to Goodwill, sell their car. Right? No? Yes. Following my heart...............
So.....leaving you wondering where the rest of my travels took my earlier this year, I am going to focus on where my travels will take me in the future. My preparations, expectations, worries, excitements. And with the worst of hesitations aside, I go forward.
Some of the uncertainties I felt mostly have to do with traveling alone as a single, blonde, American woman. Maybe it is unnecessary to mention that I am blonde and American, but knowing anything about India makes me think there is something to it. But what does it mean to be a single woman traveler? It means I am more at risk for violence, although Indians and specifically Hindus are not generally known for it. It means I am a easier target for scams that are quite rampant throughout the country. I feel that it also means I am a strong person. That I am confident enough to cross oceans alone just to get a taste of something new. But is it blind confidence with no basis to back it up? That sounds downright irresponsible!
My greatest fear was not of the unknown as many people may expect, but of the all too known: lonliness. I'm traveling to the second most populated countries in the world and expecting to feel lonely?!? Yep. I will be away from everyone I have ever known. Sure my friends and family will be only a phone call but I can just imagine sitting in a dingey old Indian hotel on Christmas Eve wondering what I have gotten myself into.
There was a short period where I became upset about the whole thing and wasn't sure I wanted to return at all. It came about suddenly and I was secretly hoping I would talk myself back into it. But I wasn't sure I would at that point. I became upset about how there were times when I felt ripped off and taken advantage of. I knew these things were happening while I was there but they began to bother me all of a sudden. I was mad at India, and to be quite frank I was mad at the world for a week or two. In retrospect I think I can chalk it up to reverse culture shock or something like it. I don't believe I was actually upset about minor events that happened along my trip, but rather inconsistencies and not being able to understand things in Indian culture and in my own. While talking with a friend during lunch one day, it seemed as though I had those same general feelings after arriving from Europe last year.
I explored other options, such as starting an import store in my hometown of Cheyenne, Wyoming. I met with an accountant, the Small Business Association (SBA), Small Business Development Center at the local college and had market research done. It sounded like a good idea and I made some pretty elaborate plans. And maybe I will get back to it someday. But it wasn't fitting together, even though as a last ditch effort on my parents' part to convince me to stay, they offered me the start-up money I would need to get it going. But I had talked myself back into returning to India.
Other emotions I went through and am still going through are elation, excitement, sense of adventure and the unknown, loneliness, fear that I might actually be bat-shit-crazy. Things like that. And every night when I go to bed I get scared. And I tell myself this is what I want. And if I can't trust the voices in my head, well then who can I trust? People do this right? Quit their job, move out of their house, give half of their stuff to Goodwill, sell their car. Right? No? Yes. Following my heart...............
So.....leaving you wondering where the rest of my travels took my earlier this year, I am going to focus on where my travels will take me in the future. My preparations, expectations, worries, excitements. And with the worst of hesitations aside, I go forward.
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